I sat down this morning to write and this nagging voice whispered to me Why bother? I pushed it away and picked up my pen. I started journalling. I asked myself why is it I am so compelled to write and why do I make it so hard for myself to achieve the one thing that I love. I pondered the question for a while and came to the conclusion that I love to write because I love the feeling of having written. And this conclusion gave me the permission I needed to get on with the draft – to write and allow whatever to hit the page because I can always clean it up later. And that’s a whole lot better than having nothing there at all.
The whole writing thing speaks to me of discipline, creativity, and the possibility of laying down words that may move someone on some deeper level. I don’t know why I think it is so hard to sit and write. I can belt out a stream of consciousness garbled random word vomit with not an ounce of trouble. It is cathartic. There is no one to judge it – not even me because once it is out, it need never be referenced again. But when I am working on my novel, suddenly the rules change. I get antsy and nervous and feel like a fraud- like nothing I write will ever be good enough. Today, I just pushed through my monkey mind. I kept going, writing word after word – like a journal entry – not judging, just letting it hit the page and settle. I spat out 2000 words. I love the feeling of having written. That’s why I bother. Because at the end of the day – I love to write.
A little bit of hexing over Easter…
It’s NaNoWriMo time and already, I am getting sucked into the distraction of all things WriMo. There are so many articles and hype popping up about participating, it’s hard to get back to the whole reason I signed up – which was to get writing. So I have banished such nonsense and established timeframes where I will write and only write, in order to give this book a chance at seeing the clear light of day.
I have my detailed scene map already sorted but for this story, I am going to start in the middle, with a scene that tugs at my heart strings. It’s the one that is speaking to me right now. So that is where I will begin. Deep in the heart of my story. Now for a cup of tea and then to settle in for the next couple of hours to explore, write and get this baby breathing.
Word count: 0
I’m officially a quarter of the way to my goal of 60,000 words. There has been a lot of trial and error finding a routine that I can squeeze in around working full time but I think I finally have found a way to move the story forward on a daily basis. I struggle so much between writing long hand or writing straight to the computer. When time is against me, the time it takes to decipher handwritten scribblings can be nothing short of painful to me at the end of a day when I am already tired and lacking focus. The thing is, I love that organic process of writing by hand. Of just letting my thoughts dribble down my arm to my fingers and then on to the page.
The past couple of weeks I have spent my lunch break writing by hand into my notebook. At night, I have been writing it up, and shaping the story as I go. I’ve also experimented with just writing straight onto my iPad and then copying and pasting this into the story when I get home. It is much quicker and easier but to be honest, it’s bogging me down creatively.
There is something about writing to paper that I love. And having worked both ways of late, I know now that convenience and speed isn’t going to give me the story I want to tell. And I feel it in the telling. It’s just not the same. So for now, it’s back to paper and pen and long nights deciphering lunchtime scrawl. And I’m actually kinda glad…
I’m part of a blog hop and have been tagged by Sheryl Gwyther…hop on in and have a read of what she has to say about her writing world…