Why Bother?

I sat down this morning to write and this nagging voice whispered to me Why bother?  I pushed it away and picked up my pen. I started journalling. I asked myself why is it I am so compelled to write and why do I make it so hard for myself to achieve the one thing that I love. I pondered the question for a while and came to the conclusion that I love to write because I love the feeling of having written. And this conclusion gave me the permission I needed to get on with the draft – to write and allow whatever to hit the page because I can always clean it up later. And that’s a whole lot better than having nothing there at all.

The whole writing thing speaks to me of discipline, creativity, and the possibility of laying down words that may move someone on some deeper level. I don’t know why I think it is so hard to sit and write. I can belt out a stream of consciousness garbled random word vomit with not an ounce of trouble. It is cathartic. There is no one to judge it – not even me because once it is out, it need never be referenced again. But when I am working on my novel, suddenly the rules change. I get antsy and nervous and feel like a fraud- like nothing I write will ever be good enough. Today, I just pushed through my monkey mind. I kept going, writing word after word – like a journal entry – not judging, just letting it hit the page and settle. I spat out 2000 words.  I love the feeling of having written.  That’s why I bother. Because at the end of the day – I love to write.

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Getting to the heart of my WriMo challenge

 

 

It’s NaNoWriMo time and already, I am getting sucked into the distraction of all things WriMo. There are so many articles and hype popping up about participating, it’s hard to get back to the whole reason I signed up – which was to get writing. So I have banished such nonsense and established timeframes where I will write and only write, in order to give this book a chance at seeing the clear light of day.

 

I have my detailed scene map already sorted but for this story, I am going to start in the middle, with a scene that tugs at my heart strings. It’s the one that is speaking to me right now. So that is where I will begin. Deep in the heart of my story. Now for a cup of tea and then to settle in for the next couple of hours to explore, write and get this baby breathing.

 

Word count: 0

 

 

 

 

Dream big and follow your bliss…

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We broke up following an art show. I tried to convince myself it was the right thing to do. “Make a clean break”, I told myself. Get out and experience life. We weren’t getting along. I wasn’t committed the way I knew I ought to be. And, I’d already found another to love, even though we weren’t officially separated. My new beau was… art. I’d fallen heavily for the allure of brushes and pens and ink nibs and Arches heavily textured paper. As sad as it sounds, it’s true.  I dumped writing for art.

Art and I had a beautiful few years together. It was passionate and rich and wild. It was also a little expensive and at times quite needy. There were advantages in that it didn’t require a certain brain space to engage. Even bone tired, I could dabble and sketch without too much brain strain. But after a while, I felt that yearning again. To be back with my one true love. 

I packed away my paints and papers  (well, I actually just stashed them in the corner because love is fickle) and I bought myself (another) brand new writing journal. I started reading wildly – reading was another thing that art had stolen from me. And stories started forming. But still, I couldn’t focus. For the past year I have toyed with the idea of doing a writing course as a way to re-ignite my love of writing. I Googled and Binged but none of the courses I found really “touched” me the way I needed.

Through the practise of meditation, I have come to know myself relatively well. I have certainly come to recognise when something feels authentic and I resonate accordingly. None of the courses I looked at spoke to me. And I wanted a course to guide me gently back into the writing world. Like a chaperone to keep me on track and make me solely accountable for my actions. 

I am a long time fan of Natalie Goldberg, Julia Cameron, and Danielle LaPorte. These women (among many others I will get to later) have inspired me greatly in my pursuit of creative happiness. I wanted the essence of what they taught to be woven through the cloth of a writing course that would resonate down to my bones. But I could never find that delicate mix of writing, and faith and inspiration entwined in a course that could make me a better writer because of it. 

I had no choice, I thought – other than to go it alone. Just get my bum in the seat and write. I started a story but again, my concentration waned. I searched for a guided meditation the other day, to help clear my thoughts and ease me into the zone. In Buddhism, they say the teacher appears when the student it ready. I found a short meditation track but before I even listened to it, my eye snagged on a small round black button on the bottom of the screen. It looked like this:

Badge2

I clicked on it and my world changed. I was transported to a beautiful site that was warm and inviting and visually superb. Here, I met Sarah Selecky, the creative brains behind Story is a State of Mind. She introduced herself in a video clip and the more I listened, the more I wanted to hear. And the more I heard her speak, the more I resonated with what she was offering. I contemplated for hours. I didn’t want this to be another one of “those” courses that appear fabulous but are full of fluff and eventual resentment. So, I went digging and found more info and the more I found, the more I liked her. 

So…here I am. This blog is currently under cover. I have told no one. Not even Sarah Selecky, at this point. It’s a space for me to work my way through this course, unfettered and free. No judgements from well meaning friends. None of that. Just me, space, words and the beautiful state of mind that is story. If you find this blog, feel free to follow my writing journey. It will include exercises, photos, quotes, book raves, and of course, snippets of writing as well as random acts of shared kindness. Oh, and if you click on the black button above – you’ll be transported to that place where this all began. 

I’m following my bliss. I’m dreaming big. I’m back together with my true love. We are on.